twisty turny

Just when you think know anything it all changes. Mistakes occur. Problems arise.

We have to accept mistakes. We all change. Emotionally, physically, our spirituality. Our kids change. They make mistakes and we all learn from them, theoretically.

There is so much to learn from the twisty turny road of life. Not just the big lessons. The everyday, go-with-the-flow, roll with it lessons.

I used to think I was what I do. That teaching defined me. I absolutely love teaching. I am a teacher. Now I have new obstacles that not only challenged that theory, but squashed the hell out of it. I love to teach, but I am more than what I do. I need to honestly and earnestly remember that each time my health declines.

If all I am is what I do, that leaves little else for dealing with the twists and turns. It prohibits learning the things that will inevitably change. We need to practice the yoga of life and twist and turn ourselves into what is. It seems backwards, but it helps.

So we're not just what we do. We're creative, spiritual, emotional parents, children, mates (and teachers). We are so many things that grasping too many ideas to KNOW might slow down our growth, and, ultimately, our happiness.

I plan to continue to love teaching. I couldn't help it if I tried, and it is most certainly twisty turny. I also plan to love the changes and twists and turns of my entire life. We're all learning. Some lessons are just a bit more difficult and stressful than others.

It's freeing to realize that nothing I know is set in stone, except for the love I have for my family. And, this twisty turny life is bursting with possibilities.

peace, love and twists,

sunee

ramblings of an achy woman

I've been spending too much time thinking and not enough time writing. It's true. I've thought myself into a frenzy of worry and confusion. This spirals into anxiety, and for me, increased pain.

So, rather than become a pain I decided it best to put it all in writing.

Thanksgiving always makes people, me at least, count our blessings and feel our gratitude for who we love and what fills our lives. I try to practice this always, but I've hit a few stumbling blocks that could possibly resemble pity parties.

Pity parties are lonely. Let's face it- who wants to whoop it up over someone's problems and/or worries/ They also don't allow for all the goodness and blessings I am actually so very thankful for.

So, I plan to write again. To let out the good and the bad in writing to free my spirit and find some balance once again.

It doesn't matter what hurts or what might be if my spirit is all out of whack. And, I seriously dislike pity parties. I like parties with cake.

We all need an outlet to keep balanced in this world of ups and downs and twists and turns. Some we would have never thought would happen. But, that doesn't excuse just dwelling there.

So, I plan to do what I love more often. Enjoy my loved ones, write more often, and, eat a lot of cake.

peace, love and blessings-

sunee

accidents happen

If I ever had an opportunity for a pit party it would be now. I had a terrible accident walking my dogs. They went after another dog and literally dragged me across the sidewalk several feet. I would up with a broken nose, six stitches and a whole lot of road rash and bruises- even on my face.

I felt sorry for myself when I saw how I looked and was in terrible pain. But the pity party was short. I realized that the dogs didn't mean to make this happen. (They still look at me sadly.) And, accidents happen. Though the impulse to feel sorry for myself came and went.

This accident doesn't change who loves me, or really, any aspect of my life. I missed one day of teaching and the school staff was so kind and gracious I felt blessed. And, my family took incredible care of me.

In life I'm learning to take the good with the bad. That leaves no time for poor me pity party time. I'm healing nicely and I feel much better. Feeling bad about the way I look is a bit vain (which I know I can be) so I plan to look in the mirror a bit less for a few days.

So, basically, accidents happen. But they don't define us. And, they don't really require a pity party. I think people should have an "I got through it" party instead. Celebrate what's good. It can be difficult, but haven't we all been to too many pity parties already?

peace and love,

sunee

change CAN be good

Many of us fear change, or at least feel uncomfortable at the thought of it. We have a routine and we like it, dang it!

Life, however, is fluid. There are ups and downs and sideways turns and things change.

Sometimes change is good. We get to experience new things. We stretch ourselves, and as such, evolve. I'm not saying it's comfortable or easy, just that it isn't all that bad.

I've gone through so many changes in the past year and a half it's almost unfathomable. Some of the changes were scary and hard. Some required strength and hard work. And some seem to be good fortune.

If I remained stiff as a board I'd be broken by now. So, I'm committed to rolling with the changes and finding all of the greatness in store for me. I'll be as fluid as someone as controlling as I tend to be can.

I do know for a fact that some change can be fulfilling.

And, who wants to be a stiff, stagnate board? Even a change of hairstyle or a revamping of our look can add a bit of pep to our steps and keep us fluid.

Sometimes it's a change of thinking that we need. In that case meditation helps. So do all sorts of tools like affirmation books, revisiting a creative hobby or even taking on a new hobby. Talking it through with someone who has your best interest at heart helps, too.

We live in a world in which the negatives often overshadow the positives. If we remove some of the negatives we can move closer to some peace and happiness. That, of course, takes more than fluidity, but also courage.

So, whether we're cleaning out our clothing closets or our proverbial closets, taking on a new venture, or just rolling with it, change can be good.

It's all how we look at it.

peace and love,

sunee

you can't always get what you want

Sometimes I have trouble waiting to get what I want. It's like all of the patience I have goes out the window because I WANT.

Wanting, in and of itself, isn't really all that bad. Except, maybe, when I think I NEED IT NOW.

This could be misdirected stress or anxiety over other things rather than just greed. I'm not a greedy person at all. I just get caught up in anxiety over certain things and I feel the only way to fix everything is to get the object NOW.

Of course, I have many tools at my disposal to deal with stress, anxiety and disappointment. How easy I forget to use them.

Basically I've spent the past 3 days as a big ball of stress, tangled up worse than a ball of yarn. I think it's important to take each moment and see that (in most cases) we have everything we need for right now.

Unfortunately I began to feel remorse over my stressed out behavior, which isn't health either. So, I slowed down, chilled out and did some relaxing things. I watched a little TV, I talked to a friend and I played some Scrabble. I even read from one of my daily affirmation books. (Funny, I was several days behind...)

Now I am unraveling myself and am no longer a ball of stress. I acknowledged what was causing my stress and decided to practice patience until I can get what I want. Not easy, but certainly doable.

I certainly don't want to start teaching again as a big ball of stress. I'm looking forward to it far too much.

So before you become a ball of stress over the wants take stock of what you really need and already have. It's easier on everyone, especially us. Plus, we'll probably smile more.

peace and love,

sunee

We have the power to make our day any way we want it to be. Of course, at 5AM I forgot that and I started off in negativity land. Everything sucked.

The day progressed and I realized, early thank goodness, that I can live in negativity land or I can move on and have a good day.

It's difficult with all of our challenges, great and small, to keep a smile on our face and trudge forward. It's easier, however, if we remember all that is good in our lives. We may not become easy and breezy immediately, but we may stress down a little. Take a deep breath, chill out...

I have many things to be thankful for and having a bad attitude isn't one of them. It wrinkles my face and takes away from good moments I'll miss if I'm just moaning and complaining.

I guess it comes back to what I'm always saying- life is a series of balancing acts. We may not love the current situation, but it doesn't define our whole lives. At least I'm not going to let it define me.

To leave negativity land take the first smile and have a better day.

peace and love,
sunee

Capable

Well, for the first time in a year and a half, I'm working again. With all of changes I've gone through during this time I was worried that one more might just throw me over the edge.

It's funny how we let conditions define us. I know I did. I wasn't a teacher or a writer, I was a woman with fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome. I was pained and that was it. I let it define and determine everything about my life.

But, if we let these things define us we limit the possibilities available to us. I know I am more then someone with difficult conditions. I have skills and knowledge to share. Maybe more so now that I've been through such a difficult time.

It's amazing what we are capable of when we let ourselves. I'm not implying that it will be easy for me, but sitting home wallowing in my discomfort and pain just intensified it. Talk about depression express! I was on it and didn't think I could get off.

I know I've said it before but it's a balancing act. We need to take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I used to work work work, never paying attention to how I felt in any of those areas.

Now I listen to my body, take time for myself and say no. (once in a while. I'm still working on that.) I used to live in fast-paced stresstown. I can't do that anymore, but I am capable of being productive and slowing down enough to avoid stresstown. Just pass that exit and head straight for peaceful land.

We're all on a journey and we don't have to be perfect. Life is a series of some pretty darn challenging events. Yet, we can't let those define us. We can find balance and be all we are meant to be.

I'm learning, little by little. I hope you all learn what you're capable of and do it.

peace and love,

sunee

our tools

I happen to get so caught up in all of life's chaos that I forget all of the tools available to me. I have been letting anxiety build up and I've become a bundle of nerves instead of a source of joy to those around me.

It's easy, I know. We owe this, we need to go here, there and everywhere, everyone needs something and none of it coordinates...

On the other hand, many of us are blessed with people who love and depend on us. And, with a little prioritizing all of those "things" never seem to amount to as much as we've built them up to be.

I got so discombobulated that I'm sure you could see the nerves hanging out of me. Coincidently I hadn't read anything positive, meditated or even took time to just chill.

We have the tools, but sometimes we let the THINGS overwhelm us. I haven't even blogged I felt so disconnected. I let go of something I not only enjoy, but helps me clear my mind as well.

I plan to start using my tools again. And, if they don't work, I'll find new ones. After all, who wants to see me with my nerves hanging out.

peace and love,

sunee

too much

Sometimes everything feels like too much. Too much to do. Too much stress. Too many problems.

I feel overwhelmed and I wonder why I don't appreciate all I have and all the surrounds me rather than sitting in my mush pot of stress.

When things get crazy the easiest thing to do is to feed into it. I started to. I laid a guilt trip on myself for things I'm not responsible for.

The best thing to do is clear my head and realize everything that I have to be grateful for and then prioritize what I CAN do and let go of what I CANNOT.

This day was a mush pot day, but sitting here now I realize where and when I should have just let things go. And, because of my health, I should have slowed down and took care of myself. That's a tough deal for a control freak, but the way I feel now has taught me that I really need to let go.

The easiest way to do that is to remember what I'm grateful for. And that's a lot.

I hope I don't see you in the mush pot. It's hard to get out and you can't see the beauty of the day.

peace and love,

sunee

big problems

Life can hand us some pretty crazy stuff. Stuff that we either didn't see coming, or, maybe we just weren't paying close enough attention to see what was going on.

I am learning, rather slowly, I must admit, that it does no good to beat ourselves up over such happenings. Also, we can't run around like crazy people because of stressful situations.

I've been spending quite a bit of time in crazytown and, clearly, it has done no good for anyone involved. I have had flare-ups from my Fibromyalgia, I'm anxious, and to top it off, I'm no good to be around.

I honestly believe that we aren't given anything to deal with that we can't handle. I just forget sometimes. Not completely, just enough to get all worked up right away. Then I bring it down slowly, looking at the big picture and finding that it will all work out.

The first thing I think is that it's important to remember is to be grateful for what we do have- people, health, whatever.

Being grateful keeps things in perspective and allows us to deal with our big problems with a much lower stress level.

I have NOT enjoyed my visit to crazytown. I was spinning in circles, unclear of what was good in my life, and, as a result, becoming overwhelmed and stressed out over everyday chores and activities.

Life isn't always easy, but keeping the stress level as low as possible can help us deal with even the most challenging situations.

I plan to make a gratitude list today. I think it will put things in perspective. I hope you take the few minutes to make your own list of what you're grateful for. Then we won't bump into each other in crazytown.

peace and love,

sunee

deciding to be happy

Today I am deciding to be happy. Life is still stress-filled for me. In fact this may be one of the most stress-filled times I have ever gone through. The difference is that I finally got it through my head that I missing a lot of joy and fun sitting around as a stressed-out mess.

Now, this change isn't some magical gift bestowed upon me by the happiness gods. It's a little bit of work and a lot of reminding myself of what I have to be grateful for.

I truly believe gratitude is the key. All awful, stressful times, whether due to illness, money troubles, family problems or work problems, have been worked out one way or another, for all of us. I only made the situations worse by sitting in my pool of stress. It's not very comfortable there.

I plan to say thank you often, look at the good that exists and work through life challenges. After all, everyone has difficulties and we would all be a high-strung bunch of negative ninny's if we don't stop and realize how much we have to be grateful and happy about.

I'm deciding to be happy starting now. I hope you'll join me!

peace and love,

sunee

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you can't please everyone

As much as I hate to admit it, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone around me to feel good, have what they need and be happy.
The problem with wanting to please everyone is that it just isn't possible, and, I get lost in the mix. No matter what's going on we can only do so much for people. They need to be upset sometimes and what they need may not be what we can give.

People need to go through their own feelings and problems. I don't suggest by any means not to be a source of love and support, but we need to let go sometimes. For me this is extremely hard, and often I forget to take care of myself because I'm so busy trying to make sure everyone is happy.

Letting go and letting what is be what is can be one of the most challenging things a people pleaser can experience. It is essential, however, if we're to maintain any level of sanity and happiness ourselves. We cannot take on the world and every single problem every single time something comes up for those around us. In fact, sometimes it makes people feel smothered.

My solution? I'm going to practice letting go. I'm hoping it will reduce my stress and free me up to relax and take better care of myself.

Besides, life is what it is sometimes and we all need to find it within ourselves to get through the obstacles set before us. And, a little love and giving people space may go a lot farther than obsessing on what others need to do for themselves.

It's a hard lesson for me, but I'm willing to learn and let go a little.

peace and love,

sunee

easy and breezy

Sometimes it seems as though every single possible stressful event that could happen does.

I am a victim of living in stressville. In stressville I obsess, panic, project and feel awful. In fact, because of my fibromyalgia and autoimmune disease I feel awful because it actually makes me ill to get stressed out.

However, from my experience life really doesn't give more than we can handle and a positive attitude helps us (well, me at least) get through the challenges.

Having a few positive resources available helps. It's never a bad idea to feed our mind and souls with good thoughts and positive ways to change our thinking. (I keep many books and positive lifestyle reminders available at all times!)

But what can really help get us on the easy breezy lifestyle track is remembering what makes us smile, laugh or let loose. For example, listening to music. Or, better yet, dancing to our favorite music. Even five minutes of letting loose can completely change our attitude and begin to lower our feelings of despair and stress.

Play a game. Watch your favorite movie. Do something artistic. Go outside. Go for a walk. Go for a bike ride. In other words, summer time opens up a bunch of feel-good activities for us to just relax, roll with it and enjoy an easy breezy life.

So, have some fun. It's better than okay, it's imperative.

peace and love,

sunee

ups and downs

Life is sometimes a bit of a roller coaster ride. There's not just ups and downs and crazy turns, but also anticipation, excitement and often fear.
Whether we realize it or not, life's ups and downs often put our bodies through stress as well as our minds. Once the stress is in motion it can take over how we feel physically- stress causes
disease in our bodies. I'm not just talking major diseases, which is a very likely possibility if we are living in stressland.

We can feel our bodies tense, get headaches, have stomach disorders and

worse. I don't know about anyone else but I don't want to be consumed with stress and thus disease.

I personally am working on only feeling the gratitude for all that I have.

Feeling that goodness and focusing on those things that bring us joy and security, the things that are GOOD, and believing things will work themselves out help to keep us less likely to live in stressland. And, by doing so we will help our bodies endure less pain and reduce our chances of getting ill from stress.

It isn't easy. Life throws some serious curves, ups and downs, and hard situations. It is our job to keep them from disabling us completely.

I read many positive books and practice thinking positive and grateful thoughts. I admit I'm not the best at meditating but I am working on that. It calms the nerves, clears the mind and helps us to find that gratitude that can keep us smiling no matter what is thrown our way.

I plan to think positively, meditate and be grateful everyday for everything. So far it's helping.

Maybe it will work for you, too :)

peace and love,

sunee

expectations

Oh, expectations! We all have them at least every now and again. But I don't believe that's such a negative thing.

We need to be able to reach for things and visualize them. If we don't expect good things to happen often we will be left with only the not so good. We can't apply this to people and how they will react, of course, but we can use positive thoughts to help bring about positive change.

We probably all know people that say, "My life always sucks," or "Nothing good ever happens to me." If we believe that than generally that's exactly what happens.

Good thoughts and positive affirmations do bring positive change. Good thoughts coupled with visualization helps us make the correct changes and move toward a less stressful, more positive life.

It is up to all of us to keep expecting the good to come about. Sitting around complaining will keep us stagnant and unable to bring about the positive things we've been hoping for. Things we think all the time generally come to be (unless it's ridiculous or not good for us).

The best thing we can do for our health, both physical and mental, is to stay positive. Easy to say, but sometimes hard to practice. How do we change our way of thinking?

When we catch those negatives lurking, change the thought. "I can't," becomes "I'm working on that," and so on. Thoughts become our lives whether we like it or not.

So maybe we all just slow down, picture the good, and see what we're capable of doing to make it reality.It's within us, we just have to climb out of negativeland and see life from a different perspective.

Let's expect all the good and continue (or start) to think in a positive manner. It certainly can't hurt.

peace and love,

sunee

state of mind

When thinking of mind over matter I always think of the expression I once heard- If you don't mind it doesn't matter.

Well, that may not be completely true, but certainly our state of mind effects every single thing we do. Or don't do. I know that is true for me.

I began thinking more of what I could do, not what I couldn't do. Just because I've had a few set backs shouldn't keep me cloistered away with no living going on. (My set backs being fibromyalgia and an autoimmune disease.)

Just thinking about my capabilities rather than my limitations improved my state of mind, and, subsequently, my health began to improve. With every positive change my life becomes living again- not just being.

I think sometimes we get stuck in that "I can't" or "Why me?" way of thinking and forget how it effects not just us but also our loved ones, co-workers, everyone around us. Maybe certain obstacles and such aren't for us to figure out but to attend to and move forward.

My state of mind effects my health everyday. My health effects my whole world. I cannot afford to be negative all the time. Can you?

So, here's to positive thoughts and positive happenings!

peace and love,

sunee

self care?

How important is it too slow down and take care of ourselves? We live in a multitasking world in which even commercials show us HOW MUCH MORE we can do in a day. Racing to meet deadlines, driving a million places, eating on the go. Where does it end?

Since being diagnosed with two chronic pain conditions one would think that I learned my lesson. And, to a certain extent I have. I sleep more (I never slept before) and I eat well and I try to pay attention to the signs of stress, exhaustion and overdoing it.

The first thing I had to learn was to say NO more often. I cannot do everything, be everywhere and be everything to everyone. Sometimes I have to give up things I'd like to do, but who will take care of me if I won't?

I've learned that I can be good to myself, and, in exchange be better to those around me. When I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome it was a lot to take in. I couldn't help myself, let alone others. And, I had to give up being a workaholic, which wasn't that easy.

It made me prioritize things a little differently. Okay, a lot. But we can't be good at anything for too long if we don't take care of ourselves first. I learned the hard way, but everyday that I put my own self care at the top of my to do list, I feel better physically and emotionally.

And, really, it isn't all that hard. I try to sleep eight hours a night. I relax. I exercise (Qigong is pretty cool and I love yoga.) I eat better- and no more 10+ cups of coffee a day! I don't do everything I want to, but I do enough to enjoy my life and stay productive.

When we're overdone we're no good to anyone, especially ourselves. Why not take a few minutes to care for yourself? You can't image how much better you'll feel.

peace and love,

sunee

what we can handle

If we're not given more than we can handle, why does it often feel that way? Everything coming at us at once, good news seems like light years away- but we can handle what challenges come before us.
We can't handle everything at once. And we can't feed into the desire to completely stress out. Easier said than done. But the results are dramatic. A positive, this is what it is for now is a great place to start.

Of course, we need to remember that it isn't always going to turn out the way we expect it to or want it to. Sometimes that's a god thing. In the midst of emotional overload it can be hard to know what's the best for us.

I can't too overwhelmed. My fibromyalgia will stop me cold. I need to just do some accepting and put out the most positive sides of myself that I can. Each obstacle we've faced during my illness confirms to me that we make choices.

Setting limits, avoiding a lot of negative talk and influences and just plain old good self-care is a start. Say no if you're not up to it. Rest. Eat right. Share positive talk with others. Relax.

It's been a time in which I've felt overwhelmed until I just realized not everything is in my hands. I need to do the footwork and then roll with the rest.

So, maybe it's time to take a load off and see what's really important. Usually it's fairly obvious. From there maybe some happiness can squeeze in, too.

It's ultimately our choice how we perceive almost everything. Why make mountains out of molehills?

peace and love,

sunee

be here now

What's going to happen tomorrow? Will I be able to handle the tasks ahead of me? Will I have enough money? How will I keep it all together? When will life get easier? Why do I have so much to do?Mind chatter like that is common, but sometimes we just need to hush all of those things and just be. Being present for our lives alleviates much of the stress we pile on ourselves.

We all need to get things done, deal with stress, maybe even deal with illness, too. The problem is that sometimes that's all we think about and we forget about NOW.

Now we have the opportunity to be with loved ones and actually BE with them, relax, enjoy the sunshine, reconnect with friends. These are the things we cannot always get back once the life becomes easier. (When is that, by the way?)

Life goes by so fast. I fear forgetting my children playing when they were young, what fun I had in high school, even current events. Why? Because I'm so worried about the future- planning, projecting- thinking I know what is to come.

Over a year ago I learned that all of the planning cannot prepare us for anything. When I got ill I had no idea what was ahead of me. Now I make my health a priority and I take nothing for granted. It's a struggle but if I don't stay present I'll lose the chance to enjoy my family, make new memories and accept all the beauty life offers.

Now isn't that bad, no matter how many difficulties we face. We just need to focus on now while we work toward the future.

So, quiet the mind chatter for a bit and see what wonders you can find. Be here now and let the future unravel as it will (with some work when we should, of course).

peace and love,

sunee

slow down and relax!

Rush, rush, rush. That's all I did for almost 12 years. First I returned to college with 2 small children and 2 majors, then I taught Drama. But I didn't just teach- I breathed it, spent time that would have been so useful to my psychological health doing it that I didn't just work my self silly, I worked myself ill.

Relaxing is hard for many of us. Maybe TV doesn't hold you're intrest or you're not a big reader.

I read now. And watch TV. And color. And play word games. I'm not lucky I get to do these things. I need to. And, I'm guessing, so do many others. Be afraid of what will happen if you don't- I know that it has been so very difficult to regain my sense of self when my health took a trip down that road.

It takes being able to be by yourself, enjoy your own company, and let your mind slow down.

Did I mention naps- if you can fit them in- as a perfect way to refresh?

We all just have so much to do, too full of plates, obligations no one understands...

But we all have to slow down and be present or we will miss all the good stuff.

So, stop checking email on your Blackberry or IPhone, just for a little while each day and maybe you'll be able to have an eye-to-eye talk with someone, enjoy your garden, just be.

I know that is where all of life's goodness comes from. So, sit back and relax. Everything will be more that okay.

peace and love,

sunee