it's ok to say no

It's hard for me to say no. I'm a yes person. 

Although that's good in many ways (ask my children) it's not always good for me.

I am learning that in order to take care of myself I need to say no to people sometimes. If you're like me, you feel obligated to say yes to every single request made of you.

Even though I'm ill people still ask me for favors. And, even though I'm ill, I still say yes way more often than I should. Like always.

Or, I feel obligated to say yes to a social event, even lunch with a friend or a phone call,   when I feel my very worst.

I am starting to let people know I'm more likely to be social or helpful during the day. I haven't worked up to "no" in all circumstances that don't work for me yet. Besides, I may want to- as long as it isn't depleting me of everything I've got (which isn't hard to do).

My point is that it's okay, more than okay, to say no. We have to put ourselves first. No one else is putting us first, so we have to do it. And when we do we feel a little bit better because we aren't stretched out in a bunch of different directions.

Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. It's okay to take care of ourselves and that often means we have to say no to the requests of others, whether it is to do favors for them or to hang out when we don't feel up to it.

I know it's okay to just take care of myself. When I feel good I'm always up to seeing, or at least talking, to my friends. And if I have to say no to something, it's always for a good reason.

I guess it's just a matter of paying attention to ourselves. The people who really care about us will understand.

peace and love,
sunee

fibromyalgia and me

Fibromyalgia can be a mystery, even for those of us living with it. Often there are new symptoms, or as I like to say, new surprises, all the time from a new type of pain to digestive troubles.

"What does it feel like?" might be the most frequently asked question I get from people I don't see often.

How do you answer that? Before fibro I had no idea some of these types of pain existed. The deep burning that radiates deep as if it's near the bone, the throbbing deep down that I can't massage out, cramping, numbness, aching et cetera

I try to skip the depressing line-up of my pain. I happen to suffer terribly and the flare ups seem to never end, so I sometimes say I'm achy breaky but I'm rolling with it. Not very mature, but I can easily slip into a serious depression if I constantly go over and over trigger points and types of pain and how bad my wrists and knees still feel and blah blah blah.

I do keep track of my pain level numerically. The 1-10 scale helps me let everyone know where I'm at- my family, my doctor, close friends. Having a good, laid back attitude doesn't mean being lazy or inattentive to my condition.

I try with great effort not to feel victimized by this chronic condition. I keep my sense of humor and I educate myself. The Complete Idiot's Guide To Fibromyalgia is a great resource. Just skimming the sections when I was diagnosed helped me find ways to reduce my fear as well as my pain.

Meditation is suggested by many sources, including the Idiot's Guide, for fibro. That quiet, sit still stuff is hard sometimes, but worth it. I also have ADHD so slowing down, breathing and letting my body relax is essential. And when I can't do that I try a Qigong.

I'm not going to lie- it is extremely difficult for me to control my pain. I take quite the medication cocktail, exercise as directed by my rheumatologist, take like a zillion hot baths (I just got new rubber ducks), read self-help books (by Sark) and I experiment with diet and supplements. I'm not just sitting around suffering.

My experience with fibromyalgia is changing my life completely. I no longer have a career and I'm not on the go 24/7. I'm not miserable either. I do get bummed out, have meltdowns, feel frustrated and all that kind of thing, but I also get excited over the little things- like finding a leopard print cane.

So, to answer the question, it feels awful. But my heart and mind and spirit keep me trudging along. I may be slower and I don't remember things quite as well, but generally I accept it. Of course, when it gets a little better I'll be a little happier, too.

peace and love,

sunee