fibromyalgia and me

Fibromyalgia can be a mystery, even for those of us living with it. Often there are new symptoms, or as I like to say, new surprises, all the time from a new type of pain to digestive troubles.

"What does it feel like?" might be the most frequently asked question I get from people I don't see often.

How do you answer that? Before fibro I had no idea some of these types of pain existed. The deep burning that radiates deep as if it's near the bone, the throbbing deep down that I can't massage out, cramping, numbness, aching et cetera

I try to skip the depressing line-up of my pain. I happen to suffer terribly and the flare ups seem to never end, so I sometimes say I'm achy breaky but I'm rolling with it. Not very mature, but I can easily slip into a serious depression if I constantly go over and over trigger points and types of pain and how bad my wrists and knees still feel and blah blah blah.

I do keep track of my pain level numerically. The 1-10 scale helps me let everyone know where I'm at- my family, my doctor, close friends. Having a good, laid back attitude doesn't mean being lazy or inattentive to my condition.

I try with great effort not to feel victimized by this chronic condition. I keep my sense of humor and I educate myself. The Complete Idiot's Guide To Fibromyalgia is a great resource. Just skimming the sections when I was diagnosed helped me find ways to reduce my fear as well as my pain.

Meditation is suggested by many sources, including the Idiot's Guide, for fibro. That quiet, sit still stuff is hard sometimes, but worth it. I also have ADHD so slowing down, breathing and letting my body relax is essential. And when I can't do that I try a Qigong.

I'm not going to lie- it is extremely difficult for me to control my pain. I take quite the medication cocktail, exercise as directed by my rheumatologist, take like a zillion hot baths (I just got new rubber ducks), read self-help books (by Sark) and I experiment with diet and supplements. I'm not just sitting around suffering.

My experience with fibromyalgia is changing my life completely. I no longer have a career and I'm not on the go 24/7. I'm not miserable either. I do get bummed out, have meltdowns, feel frustrated and all that kind of thing, but I also get excited over the little things- like finding a leopard print cane.

So, to answer the question, it feels awful. But my heart and mind and spirit keep me trudging along. I may be slower and I don't remember things quite as well, but generally I accept it. Of course, when it gets a little better I'll be a little happier, too.

peace and love,

sunee