it's ok to say no

It's hard for me to say no. I'm a yes person. 

Although that's good in many ways (ask my children) it's not always good for me.

I am learning that in order to take care of myself I need to say no to people sometimes. If you're like me, you feel obligated to say yes to every single request made of you.

Even though I'm ill people still ask me for favors. And, even though I'm ill, I still say yes way more often than I should. Like always.

Or, I feel obligated to say yes to a social event, even lunch with a friend or a phone call,   when I feel my very worst.

I am starting to let people know I'm more likely to be social or helpful during the day. I haven't worked up to "no" in all circumstances that don't work for me yet. Besides, I may want to- as long as it isn't depleting me of everything I've got (which isn't hard to do).

My point is that it's okay, more than okay, to say no. We have to put ourselves first. No one else is putting us first, so we have to do it. And when we do we feel a little bit better because we aren't stretched out in a bunch of different directions.

Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. It's okay to take care of ourselves and that often means we have to say no to the requests of others, whether it is to do favors for them or to hang out when we don't feel up to it.

I know it's okay to just take care of myself. When I feel good I'm always up to seeing, or at least talking, to my friends. And if I have to say no to something, it's always for a good reason.

I guess it's just a matter of paying attention to ourselves. The people who really care about us will understand.

peace and love,
sunee

Don't overdo it

If you're like me you might make a mental list (or a real one) of all of things you want to accomplish each day. It's a very organized way to live, but not necessarily the right one for those of us with Fibromyalgia and other chronic pain disorders.

We can only do what we can do. Maybe the laundry won't get done or the dusting won't get done. I'm always going on about prioritizing, but let's be honest- sometimes we just can't do any of it. Trying to do it all when we're not even up to the simple tasks will only lead to more pain. In fact, it may lay us up longer and than nothing gets done for quite some time.

It's ok to take the day off when you need it. It's ok for me to take the day off when I need it. It's not ok to suffer through chores like a martyr. No one wants to be around that, and, truly, do we want to be that person? Thinking of how I sound when I'm in martyr mode brings a feeling of embarrassment to me and reminds me not to be one.

I guess I'm writing this as much for me as I am for anyone who reads it. No matter what our conditions or life situations, sometimes we need to slow down and just be.

Overdoing it might be in our nature, but we don't have to follow through on it. It leads to crankiness, horrible pain and exhaustion. (And much more than I'm listing.)

I believe no one likes a cranky martyr. People around us appreciate when we have to take care of ourselves and are happy to see us feeling better. No family member wants to hear complaining about how much we did and the painful results.

It's our responsibility to take care of ourselves. Take time off. Rest when you need to. Delegate a few chores. I plan to as well.

peace and love,

sunee