it's ok to say no

It's hard for me to say no. I'm a yes person. 

Although that's good in many ways (ask my children) it's not always good for me.

I am learning that in order to take care of myself I need to say no to people sometimes. If you're like me, you feel obligated to say yes to every single request made of you.

Even though I'm ill people still ask me for favors. And, even though I'm ill, I still say yes way more often than I should. Like always.

Or, I feel obligated to say yes to a social event, even lunch with a friend or a phone call,   when I feel my very worst.

I am starting to let people know I'm more likely to be social or helpful during the day. I haven't worked up to "no" in all circumstances that don't work for me yet. Besides, I may want to- as long as it isn't depleting me of everything I've got (which isn't hard to do).

My point is that it's okay, more than okay, to say no. We have to put ourselves first. No one else is putting us first, so we have to do it. And when we do we feel a little bit better because we aren't stretched out in a bunch of different directions.

Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. It's okay to take care of ourselves and that often means we have to say no to the requests of others, whether it is to do favors for them or to hang out when we don't feel up to it.

I know it's okay to just take care of myself. When I feel good I'm always up to seeing, or at least talking, to my friends. And if I have to say no to something, it's always for a good reason.

I guess it's just a matter of paying attention to ourselves. The people who really care about us will understand.

peace and love,
sunee

you can't please everyone

As much as I hate to admit it, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone around me to feel good, have what they need and be happy.
The problem with wanting to please everyone is that it just isn't possible, and, I get lost in the mix. No matter what's going on we can only do so much for people. They need to be upset sometimes and what they need may not be what we can give.

People need to go through their own feelings and problems. I don't suggest by any means not to be a source of love and support, but we need to let go sometimes. For me this is extremely hard, and often I forget to take care of myself because I'm so busy trying to make sure everyone is happy.

Letting go and letting what is be what is can be one of the most challenging things a people pleaser can experience. It is essential, however, if we're to maintain any level of sanity and happiness ourselves. We cannot take on the world and every single problem every single time something comes up for those around us. In fact, sometimes it makes people feel smothered.

My solution? I'm going to practice letting go. I'm hoping it will reduce my stress and free me up to relax and take better care of myself.

Besides, life is what it is sometimes and we all need to find it within ourselves to get through the obstacles set before us. And, a little love and giving people space may go a lot farther than obsessing on what others need to do for themselves.

It's a hard lesson for me, but I'm willing to learn and let go a little.

peace and love,

sunee