it's ok to say no

It's hard for me to say no. I'm a yes person. 

Although that's good in many ways (ask my children) it's not always good for me.

I am learning that in order to take care of myself I need to say no to people sometimes. If you're like me, you feel obligated to say yes to every single request made of you.

Even though I'm ill people still ask me for favors. And, even though I'm ill, I still say yes way more often than I should. Like always.

Or, I feel obligated to say yes to a social event, even lunch with a friend or a phone call,   when I feel my very worst.

I am starting to let people know I'm more likely to be social or helpful during the day. I haven't worked up to "no" in all circumstances that don't work for me yet. Besides, I may want to- as long as it isn't depleting me of everything I've got (which isn't hard to do).

My point is that it's okay, more than okay, to say no. We have to put ourselves first. No one else is putting us first, so we have to do it. And when we do we feel a little bit better because we aren't stretched out in a bunch of different directions.

Putting ourselves first isn't selfish. It's okay to take care of ourselves and that often means we have to say no to the requests of others, whether it is to do favors for them or to hang out when we don't feel up to it.

I know it's okay to just take care of myself. When I feel good I'm always up to seeing, or at least talking, to my friends. And if I have to say no to something, it's always for a good reason.

I guess it's just a matter of paying attention to ourselves. The people who really care about us will understand.

peace and love,
sunee

the balancing act

I've said it before and I'll say it again: balance is what keeps us sane and happy.

It isn't easy. We've got to balance taking care of ourselves, family, work or school, chores, pleasurable activities and rest. How can we possibly juggle all of these things? And, why would taking care of ourselves and rest be separate things?

Well, we always have to prioritize. But we can only do what we can do. Slow down. Meet deadlines, but pace yourself beforehand. Then, reward yourself with some fun.

Taking care of our health might be the most important aspect to achieving balance. If we let our health go, everything seems to fall apart. That's especially true for those of us with chronic illnesses. The regular things like eating right and getting some exercise make a huge difference in the quality of our lives. When we feel good we tend to feel better about ourselves.

When we're not feeling our best that's the time to let a lot of things go. Maybe we still have deadlines to meet, but we don't have to wash the floors, do the laundry, cook dinner or any home chores. Anyone for take-out? We keep a drawer full of menus to call out for dinner when I don't feel well. And, I watch for coupons so I don't stress about the money.

Fun and rest are as important as staying as healthy as possible and doing our best at work or school. If we're not enjoying our lives then deadlines seem more insurmountable, bills and chores cause anxiety, and, we don't have anything to smile about.

Fun can be simple. Time hanging out with family, a walk at the beach, going for coffee or ice cream with a friend all can be as enjoyable as something extravagant. We chose how fun our lives are. We do it by how willing we are to laugh (at ourselves) and enjoy the little things. We do it by remembering "this too shall pass" and accepting the people in our lives for who they are.

Rest helps us keep up with all of these things. I don't just mean a good night's sleep. I mean a nap, sometime in front of the TV or reading a book or magazine. I've said it a lot- I play word games to relax. But, I nap when I can. Being well rested allows me to have more fun.

All work and no play made more than Jack a dull boy. It makes us all dull. So, take a break, laugh with a friend and do the chores later. That's after the important deadlines are met.

Balance is the key. It unlocks our best selves. I'm going to have some fun and then take a nap :)

peace and love,

sunee

balance

So I was thinking about my favorite Dr. Seuess book Oh, the Places You'll go!

and it dawned on me that, not only does he remain one of my all time favorite authors, but he makes some great points in that book.

For example, he reminds us to step with great care because life is a great balancing act. And so it is for all of us. With or without chronic pain conditions, we have to find some sort of way to keep things on an even keel.

I get caught up in silly things and disregard the things I need to do for myself. I don't just mean to control my pain, but to be a good wife, mother, daughter and friend.

To be balanced means we can't do everything. Fun and enjoyment is as important as work. Rest is as important as play. Gentleness is an important as standing firm.

Life may not be a dress rehearsal, but we do get to practice over and over how to keep balance in our lives. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to ease into a balanced life.

For those of us with illnesses and chronic pain, this balanced life style is imperative. We'll feel better and we'll get to enjoy our lives more.

If we suffer from pain on a regular basis we need to balance work, play, health care and rest- among many other things. We don't need to get all analytical and make lists or a detailed schedule, but if that helps you, go for it.

I plan to listen to my body first. That will stop me from working too much, whether it be chores or writing. Listening to body will remind me to rest. These things will allow me to enjoy my family time, a very important part of my life. And, if I'm very well balanced I might just get to squeeze in a lunch with a friend.

I haven't been enjoying my life as much because I haven't been listening to my body. I forgot about balance. My pain has been elevated.

My advice to everyone is to prop up your feet and revisit Dr. Seuess (after all, he was a Doctor). Not only does his writing have invaluable advice, put it may just put a smile on your face :)

peace and love,

sunee