the view of happiness

No matter how hard we try, the way we view ourselves influences the way we respond to everything around us. 

At every age, it seems, our self image in some way, tested. I don't mean we're put in a peer group situation in which the one with the most expensive shoes (or car, house, boat, et cetera) is the coolest, though it can certainly feel that way. Even at my age. 

It doesn't matter how old we are-  most of us still compare ourselves to others in one way or another. We also often judge the intangibles, like natural talents, and set bars so high we could never meet them. We mess with our heads by saying you're not good enough,  pretty enough, wealthy enough, or just enough period.

Many of us have a pretty good, or at the very least alright, self image. We're proud of our accomplishments and bummed about our failures. We're envious of some people and feel "better" than others. It's okay, it's true. most of us have felt that way at some point, if not in the last week.

Once I became ill that should have all stopped. But, being a perfectionist with unrealistic expectations of myself, I felt that I'd lost all that was valuable that I could contribute. My self image was at an all time low. 

Time passed and my self image went from bad to worse, yet I was getting more and more sick. I couldn't see that my disease had taken my career away, not "me" away. All of the good I had built inside of me in my life had begun to crumble, the structure shaky, my physical self pained, sick, heavy with sadness.

Now I am almost at the other side of that low time, climbing up step by step, watching the view of myself, my self image, come back into clear focus. My physical body is still pained and sick, but that heaviness isn't so suffocating.

Whether you are the most stable person, or you're like me and you've never been considered stable, self image is still one of the key ingredients to happiness. When we like ourselves, feel good enough in all the ways that matter,  we can be happy no matter what is, even if what is happens to be illness.

I'd have to say it's worth examining one's self imagine. There's happiness sitting at our feet but we may not see it due to a cloudy image.

peace & love,
sunee