Constant pain, throughout my entire body, rules my life. At the same time it ruins my family life. Since I am generally suffering from pain or other maladies it has become something I talk about apparently more than I should.
It has become a source of annoyance as well as worry. It has become an added burden to those I never wanted to do anything but give to. And, I still give- everything I have, even on my worst days.
But the truth is that it's my problem. My pain. My loss of identity because I feel like I'm no longer the bubbly, fun person I was. I am the person in pain. And, most likely, everyone (or almost everyone) is exhausted because of it.
Pain sucks.
Pain sucks the life out of me. I struggle everyday to be the person who has only love and kindness to give. I am still that person, but no one sees anything but the pain I am in.
I can no longer burden those I love with the details and accounts of my pain. I need other outlets (like blogging). I need the freedom to be sad, scared and anxious about it without destroying the emotional and mental health of those I love.
It's an empty place, but I plan to fill it up. I may be at my bottom, but acknowledging and being honest about how much I hurt (physically and emotionally) should free me up to be the person I remember being.
I won't let pain define me any longer. I'm sure I'll still be in pain and it will still suck, but I won't live there.
I wish you a pain-free life.
peace and love,
sunee
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