what a pain and the end of "Boys"

   What a pain pain is! It slows us down. It makes some of us cranky. It keeps us from living a full life like everyone else. It requires a certain amount of attention. It hurts!

   Everyone wants to suggest ideas to help me feel better when my pain gets to a level that is just ridiculous. They mean well and it's well received. 

   The problem is that at this point I've tried everything already. I've done the warm (and hot) bath with epsom salts, with a bath soak for achy bodies, with just water.

   I've tried treating myself to ice cream and other delicious snacks, and although I still hurt I am well fed and very clean. I take every suggestion with love and graciousness with which it was intended. 

   Just by having the love around should help with the pain, even slightly, especially if we think of those women who have no one to help them through these terrible diseases. I'd rather have too many loving suggestions than none at all. 

   I also try to ease my pain not be a pain. I know we suffer a lot. I suffer terribly. Not one thing has helped me. I don't get a break from pain ever. It's been really horrible for a long, long time, but I don't act like a brat simply because I'm sick so I can. 

   For one thing, I would never want my children to see me behave like that! I would feel like a hypocrite because although I believe in letting people help me, I need to be self-sufficient, too. The other thing is I would never want to take advantage of the people who truly love me and worry about me whenever the newest problem pops up.

   So, If you're in pain don't add to it buy being a pain. It never makes anything better!

The end of "The Boys From this Neighborhood"

Steve had been the one to find her in the alley that night. The boys had all run away when they heard a car coming. The third boy had been taking his turn raping her. They left her in a bleeding heap on the asphalt. Steve had been the one to take Suki to the hospital, vowing to bring the boys to justice.

                  Suki remembered how he tried to wipe the blood from her face and, how he had stayed by her side until the doctor examined her. Her father had been so grateful that Steve had stayed.

                  Seeing Suki alone of the streets at night, Steve came to her immediately. She told him about the party, the girl and the boys.

                  At Steve’s request another officer escorted her home quickly, and she felt secure knowing that he would be by to check on her later.

                  Back in her apartment, Suki listened as Steve and his partner approached the boys in the alley. The music died down. She began to feel cooler, her clothes no longer sticking to her body.

                  Suki could hear the sound of the drunken girl sobbing. In the distance as she touched her cheek where the stitches had been. That girl was lucky; the boys didn’t hurt her.

                  She heard the whistle of the eleven o’clock train. Now I can finally rest. Suki thought. They won’t be able to hurt anyone else tonight.

pain and daily life

Every single day I have pain in several parts of my body. Every single day I still have things to do. I'm struggling with how to slow down and let things get done when they get done. Clearly some things need immediate attention, but I'm spending so much time doing that my body is fighting back.

To steal a phrase from 12 step programs, I need to take it One Day At A Time. If I have to stop everything and rest so be it. If I need to end my activities early because I need a hot bath or to get as comfy as I can with my heating pads, so be it. The world isn't going to come to an end.

Since I've been having a terrible time with high levels of pain daily I'm (slowly) learning to change my ways. I was a 24/7 get it all done and then some type of woman. Now I need to be a Keep It Simple type of woman.

The plus side to slowing down and taking care of myself is that I'm enjoying my time at home more. Time with my husband, my kids and my mom. I don't need to be out and about every minute.

It's hard. I feel down a lot lately. But each day I'm trying to let go of old ideas and listen to my body. I get frustrated when I can't control the pain or the problems from my illnesses. I know that it's normal, I just don't want to live in that state of mind.

Pain and daily life doesn't have to mean depressing, boring frustration. It can actually open up doors to learning about myself, and, best of all, I can nap whenever I please.

Here's to learning to live with different priorities :)

peace and love,

sunee

fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia can often feel like it's taking the life right out of you.

Somedays it can be hard to just get dressed. On those days my self-esteem often suffers because I feel that I cannot accomplish anything.

I've already had to leave a teaching job I loved because the pain was so great that I couldn't function and I was pushing myself so hard I would collapse the second I walked in the door.

Even without working I cannot be all that I would like to be for my family. Pain, besides the obvious discomfort, is exhausting. And, for me, if the pain is severe, causes anxiety. Especially when deep pain strikes out of nowhere.

But those of us with this condition, and similar ones (like an autoimmune disease like I have as well) need to accept that it's okay to rest instead of doing the million things on our imaginary lists.

It's okay to take a warm bath or take a nap, or as I do, sit with my heating pads and read or play word games. Distractions are good. Meditation, a good book, a TV show or movie, or, if you're like me, any word game will do. In fact, I'm addicted to them and they have eased me through some terrible flare ups.

I'm learning to let go of the expectations I've placed on myself and care for my body (and spirit). I exercise as prescribed and do what I can each day. After all, tomorrow is another day. And, we may not be able to get to everything tomorrow. But the best we can do for ourselves is to find ways to cope with the pain so we can enjoy our families and our lives.

It's hard to completely change from a do everything for everyone every minute woman to an easy paced, do what I can one. What's even harder is not falling into a depression because we can't do what we'd like. We can't sit through a movie in a theatre. We can't always go meet friends. We may even lose friends because we're not as mobile as we used to be.

So I'm reinventing my daily life. I assess how I'm feeling and do only what I can do without causing more pain. I exercise 4-5 times a week. I nap. I read and I write and, of course, play word games. This simple lifestyle allows me to cook dinner for my family more often. It allows me to be better company. It doesn't take the constant pain away, but it makes life more enjoyable and it makes it easier to cope.

When we have chronic pain conditions we have to adjust our lives almost completely, but we don't need to give up having a life. So be good to yourself, take it slow and find some distractions to get you through the rough spots.
peace and love and good health to all,

sunee