3-2-1 meltdown

If you've ever had a meltdown than you know just how I feel right now- better, embarrassed and exhausted. If you've never had a meltdown you could be a volcano, ready to erupt, or you have the self-control of a saint. If you don't know what a meltdown is I don't know if you have lived in a cave or you and your inner circle have a lot of restraint.

A meltdown is like a volcano erupting. Mount Sunee erupted around 2 pm today. (I'll use myself as the example since I brought up the topic in the first place.)

I become a crying, rambling, unable to rationalize with psycho. I lose my ability to know it will all be okay and tuen into a rather unstable and irrational. Generally out of nowhere do these proud moments occur. At least today I have a sort of reason.

I have been suffering from migraines on top of my "normal" pain due to Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome. Just to make things more exciting I'm having horrendous nausea from a new medication I'm trying.

Today I just couldn't take it anymore. I have been a nervous wreck from constant pain. And then bam! I don't know exactly what set me off. I let it all out. Later I was filled with embarrassment and a bit of relief.

Granted, women tend to have more meltdowns than men. (Not so true during the teen years.) These lovely moments can be brought on by something as simple as having a bad hair day, although, in reality, that can be traumatic. I need to admit I was having a terrible hair day today.

The best way to handle someone's meltdown is to ride it out, like a short storm. I know I'm relatively hard to calm down and I come down better in my own time.

By then way, I know that I'm extremely emotional.

Hopefully you'll avoid a meltdown, at least for awhile. But, honestly, we're only human.

peace & love,
sunee


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Alternative health care

Anyone who follows my blog or knows me will agree that I am open to Alternative health care. I am a believer in acupuncture, massage, antioxidants, strange lotions, potions, green tea and yoga.


Next week I should be trying Reiki. I personally don't know very much about Reiki, other than I believe it has to do with our flow of energy.


I would never go against my Rheumatologist or try a treatment without checking with him. And, at the advice of my psychiatrist, I won't research each little symptom or possible side effect. They are my experts. If your doctors aren't your experts, that might be what you want to research and fix first.


I have said it before and I will keep saying it- we need to have an open mind if we want to feel less pain. We need to make lifestyle changes to be open to what you've read/heard about.


Okay, first off, don't believe in everything you read. Second, don't run out and buy something that your neighbor's aunt used and it changed her life.


If we are too easily swayed or too uptight we become hard to treat whether it be traditional and/or alternative healthcare.


I wish you and open mind and a pain free body.


peace and love,
sunee

purposeful living

Most, if not all, of us want to live with purpose. I'm not implying changing the world. We want to feel that we have a purpose. That there's a reason to get up everyday. 


Sometimes we get stuck in a dead end job, we've been laid off, we get divorced or just we fall into a rut. That can lead to a lack of motivation or even depression.


For those of us with illnesses it becomes easier to get into a funk or a full blown depression. And, for those of us that no longer work, it becomes easier to become depressed.


That's why finding something that makes us feel connected is so important.. We can volunteer and do charitable things. But we're not wrong if we aren't headed in that direction. Maybe we just need something for ourselves.


Returning to a hobby we let fall to the wayside because we felt it took too much time, effort et cetera. Sports, if we're able, like surfing, playing volley ball, hiking, sailing, playing tennis or running marathons, to name a small portion, all give a sense of connection and accomplishment.


For those of us that aren't as inclined to get a feeling of satisfaction from sweating and competing, there are many other options. Cooking and baking, reading, painting or drawing, scrap booking and knitting are a few other options. And I know I would feel very satisfied if I could give someone something I made.


But my creative outlet happens to be writing. I write this blog, short stories, poems and plays. I have had a hard time embracing this outlet that always makes me feel I'm doing something that is purposeful. 


I had a hard time just being home full time again. I read, blogged a little, wrote a little here and there, but I didn't do it with purpose. I haven't even enjoyed cooking or baking, and I'm a total foodie.


It's time for me to add purpose to my days and I plan to write more and with dedication. I have goals and commitments I made to myself. I feel excited and ready. I feel like cooking again. I have always wanted to crochet and I plan to try that, too. 


Not everything we take on need to be done perfectly, nor do they need to be done all at once.


I plan to start by writing this blog regularly and work on some stories that I've been wanted to write. 


My point being that we need to give purpose to our lives and it just may start by being good to ourselves. 


peace and love,
sunee


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informed, but not too informed

It's important to learn about a medical condition you're diagnosed with.


When I was first diagnosed, and whenever I feel worse or have new symptons, I start reading up on Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome.


Sometimes we read and research to the point that we freak ourselves out, feel symptoms we didn't before, question the diagnosis and worry ourselves sick.


I have books about both conditions. I even have one on living with Sjogren's, what to expect as the disease progresses since my own body is attacking itself in certain ways.


I have, however, worked myself into a panic by reading too much about the future- when I don't even know how severe the Sjogren's will progress.


As far as Fibro, make sure what you're reading is up to date. Much of it may be helpful and may help you write a list of questions to ask your doctor. Or, it can scare you.


My (new) philosophy on reading about and researching is to do it when something new has actually occurred and reading only about that. There is so much information available. It's hard to know when enough is enough. For our own good, keep it to what you need from who you trust.


We're all looking for answers, but keep in mind that we may not be reading legitimate or up to date information. Check your sources.


And remember, too much information can be a dangerous thing.


peace and love,
sunee

letting go and letting others

No matter what our health or circumstances, delegating chores and errands takes the load off the person who normally handles those sort of things.


In my case, I used to run the errands and do a good deal of chores as well. Now I need to have help.


The most important thing that comes from our, "letting go and letting other," stems from the fact that our loved ones feel needed and have a purpose. There's nothing to be gained from being a martyr. Martyrdom is generally accompanied by some sort of, "whoa is me. I do so much," speech. That just builds resentments.


When we allow people to help us we all benefit. For example, I need help with everything from getting my laundry downstairs to getting a ride to my many doctor appointments. Letting go of all the control that comes with martyrdom frees us up in many ways.


I personally need a lot of help these days and I was the typical workaholic and control freak. It was difficult to let my husband grocery shop at first. By and by I am taking all the help offered and that I shouldn't be doing, anyway.


If you're struggling with health issues take all the help you can get. If you can afford it, get a housekeeper, a dog walker, or anything that is difficult to do.


I still wear myself out at times, but I'm a slow learner. Our first responsibility is to ourselves, because we're absolutely no good to anyone if we break down. And I mean break down- over stressed from bills and that sort of thing, stressed from pain and discomfort, and, maybe even cranky.


By letting go and letting others we are letting them in to our lives and strengthening relationships.


Who cares if it's not the way you do it? No one expects perfection once they let go. 


Aah, I think I'll take a hot bath as my family cooks and cleans up dinner.


peace and love,
sunee

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to work or not to work

To work or not to work, that is the question. Well, it is for many people with Fibromyalgia and/or autoimmune diseases. 


Not all of us have a choice. I could have continued teaching, but the degree to which I suffering was ridiculous and the pain was written all over my face. And here I was thinking no one could see through my facade. After all, I used to teach acting and enjoyed acting myself. 


However, there are many people with fibro that's a lot easier to manage. Fibro ranges from some discomfort and those who have bad days or flare-ups that may keep them home once in a while to serious pain daily.


But what about those who have more frequent flare-ups, but not enough to cause them to leave a career they enjoy? Not everyone has an understanding and accommodating boss/superior. There's also the money and health insurance issue. 


Financial issues can force someone to suffer to get through each day. I am learning to cut back. I don't need cute new clothes all of the time. I can live without a new, designer purse. Okay, those are tough things to give up for a woman like me, I'm not going to lie. But every "sacrifice" is justified every morning, struggling to get my stiff, hurting body out of bed. 


I'm sure many others haven't been able to control their pain, either. Then we are faced with working or not. I do write when I feel well enough, but that is also enjoyable. Plus, it's easier to use a computer sitting down.


Since I stopped working I've dealt with the rolling eye attitude that my  daily pain kept me from working. "Did you think about going part-time?" or "You're so lucky you can stay home all day!"


I am lucky in that my husband and family support my staying home. In fact, not everyone supported my going back to work. They were right, too. The excitement of teaching at a different school, in an environment I loved, wore off as the weather started to cool and I could barely move. I cried often.


I respect those who can work through the pain, the "fibro fog" and the lack of energy that occurs. I also respect those who love their career and change their schedule or uses their vacation and sick days for flare-ups. But for some of us, it just isn't possible.


Maybe if I were tougher, ate a specific diet, got acupuncture or got a new, better medication...


Well, I take a lot of medications. A lot. And from what I read I take the best and latest medications for my conditions. Believe me, getting to stay home in horrendous pain doesn't feel so lucky. It can be lonely and frustrating. (Plus, where am I going to wear all my cute work clothes?)


When you have a disability that people cannot see many of them will make assumptions. Yet, the choice to work or not is personal and no one should make it based on what uneducated people have to say. 


Taking care of ourselves is the most important thing. The choice needs to be based on your particular pain and other symptoms. 


Don't worry about what other people think. Try to laugh it off. If you're in the position to make the decision currently, give some serious thought to how your body feels and your quality of life while working. 


Whatever works best for you is the right choice.


peace and love,
sunee

I may be crazy, but...

It's all in your head.


That's what many people with Fibromyalgia are told. Well, implied. I went through that for about six years before I finally had it confirmed that I was, in fact, suffering. Not that I wasn't benefiting from the visits to the psychiatrist, but I was still in horrible pain.


As it turned out I had more than Fibro. I made the rounds of specialists and they found the Sjogren's Syndrome, after which I was diagnosed Fibro.


It was a long road. I know many of you have played the diagnosis game for a variety of health reasons. It does start to make a person feel a bit crazy.


What I didn't appreciate was being told I didn't have anything wrong with me aside from a case of depression. Not that I didn't suffer from depression, but that was after I was told all that was wrong with me.


I still have bouts with depression. It can be discouraging to never feel good. However, now I know that comes with the territory. And, that it's okay.


I know that many of us take what people tell us about ourselves to heart. If they said it, it must be true, right? Not so much.


We know more about what's going on with us than we give ourselves credit for. I wish I knew that eight years ago. Maybe longer. 


It's not only beneficial but also more fun to accept who we are. We'll make more headway in all aspects of our lives. I'm practicing acceptance more and more everyday.


And, it's okay to be a little crazy. Or a lot.


peace and love,
sunee


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